Love, Life, and All the Crap in Between

What makes you hot?

Now I know we all have things that make our hearts flutter without even a question in our minds, but I want to your secret fire starters. What is it really about a man’s cologne that makes you go into a dream like state? Or what is it about a woman with long hair that just drives you crazy? Or why is a slim waist and a big rear end is an instant “Go get her!” alert signal in your brain? For me, it has to be a beautiful smile and a killer set of abs, lol. I need the smile because in the morning when your breath is less than up to par, you smile has to keep me remembering that the pain will not always last, lol. So tell me yours... I want to know your secrets...

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To be or not hold on is the question...

So here you are your dream mate are, in bliss. You both seem to adore each others fire and passion for life, for your determination. You love the time spent because it is never dull or it is never without affection. Your families both are happy and really have respect for your spouse. And you both want the same things in life except for one thing... a committed and exclusive relationship. Yes, and I already know that thoughts crossing your mind; to answer it for you, they both already went THERE (to say the least)! As the song from Destiny's child so eloquently sings, “I was cool with no commitment, let me take that back, it was so I was with it..." You have this false impression that even though no boundaries were set that you and he or her were with each other. Well, that was until suspicion arose and your worst dreams came to past. You ask questions and you never get the complete truth until you start looking for it and when you find it, it hits you in the face at full force. You find out that you are not the only one. You find out that there could be game on you and to find out you loved him in the midst hurts the most. So here is the situation… You are in love with someone, who you know loves you too, but is not in the mood to commit. It has been 8 months now, what do you do. Men this cane be for you too because I know that guys have feelings and deal with emotions just like women do. In love, in pain, and in a love circle fighting to keep your sanity, but not lose your dignity.

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A SAD LETTER

Well this may sound like I am only gearing for the ladies, but here is a mock letter. I would just like to hear your thoughts and after that then I will tell you what happened after this...

Where do I begin? Well, let me start from the top. Words cannot describe the feeling I felt when I saw his eyes. The feeling I got when his lips touched mine. Man you talk about beauty, love, and bliss in one… he embodied them all. I loved him. I loved him so much that his voice made my heart flutter. Tears feel from fear that he would replicate my past and that I would once again be hurt. So here I am again, in pain and on the edge of being filled with resentment. Memories do not calm my senses and relax my agony. I adored his smile, his laughter, his family, and just who he was. But my patience is running thin. I can’t sit and wait for you to come around to me and leave all the other women alone and love me completely. I am growing to resent you and I don’t want to. I am becoming snide with all of my remarks and my disgust is beginning to come through when you try to kiss me. I see their names go across my mind when I kiss you thinking which one have you kissed lately. Which one were you texting when you would walk out of the room, or you would sit up, trying to prevent me from seeing what you were sending. Maybe its all in my mind, but baby this is not healthy.

I need stability. I love you more than you would and could ever probably understand. So much I would give you my last dollar and starve; that I would give you my heart and leave it in your hands; that I would allow you to enter my soul and partake in my body and never ask for anything in return. I am at a point now where I feel staying would only hold us back. I need you to want to be with me and I can’t drug you to get that response. I need you to get to you and find yourself and hopefully that will lead you back to me. But my mind and heart cannot handle the thoughts that run in the back of my mind… Its time for you to be on your own without me. Come back when you know you are ready and if I am still there then let’s try again.

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And this is a question I know we all have…

What do you do when that new relationship smell is no longer there? What happens when the jasmine, Sean John Unforgivable for women, and Gucci’s Por home Du (pronounced pour home duh), which is my absolute favorite cologne for men, wears straight off and you are left with morning breath and skin? You know even as a woman sometimes the after math of the newness makes me nervous. I am not naive and I know that it will not and cannot always be peaches and cream, but how do you at least keep things from being mundane.

And yes I have heard married couples say that they just try new things and stay spontaneous, but if that is the case then why are divorce stats steadily increasing? Why even get married when you are more likely, in this time and age, to divorce. How can you even get to the golden ages of marriages when you start despising your spouse after the first year…?

Now don’t get me wrong I was raised to earn my degree, get a career, get married, have children, and live in a picket white fence, but…. I’m still in the air on that one. So tell what do you do when the makeup wears off and the fresh breath disappears and you are left with tank tops with holes in them and a silk scarf on a toothpaste covered face????

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So this what I was discussing with a friend...

Why is it that it seems as though successful and independent women are less likely to find a spouse who meets "their standards"...?

Now of course tell me how you feel, but I think that sometimes WE, as women, place a face, a number, and a price on men in order to be compatible. It is like we expect the man to be of the utmost perfection when we too, regardless of material success, are flawed in one way or another. How can I tell you to have EVERYTHING and I just have the money, the house, and the looks, but not the attitude. And you say you are all of those things then you tell me why you are still "searching".

BUT WAIT!...

On the OTHER (because I love to play devil's advocate) are there men who have the attributes the Momma would say, "Baby he is a keeper" too?

What happened to the men who were responsible, not women crazy, and serious about life? And what happen to the women who didn't turn their noses up at being a mom, a WIFE, and a homemaker? Even the kids weren’t in the picture why is there not a need for marriage?

Morals are no longer the name of the game and I am saddened by it. What in the world happened?

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What it means to acknowledge and love....

So I have finally decided to come from out of hiding and here I am. No, I am not a 50 year old woman who has been married twice, dated hundreds, and been heart broken even more times that have provoked me to have an "Ah Ha!" moment to love. No... sorry, but if that is what you are looking for the click and the back button and continue to browse.

What and who I am have nothing to do with what I know (And FYI I believe that the source of something is a grand part of what is being presented, but as we continue, you and I both will come to see that those rules never apply when it comes to love). I know that life is full of amazing opportunities for people to come together and share something special. I know that we sometimes stand in our own way of getting to that moment in life where it seems you are gliding through the clouds and no one can ever tell you to come down. And then there are times when people who have cheated themselves out of this great chance and in turn take that hope from others. Either way I feel that the question is quite clear; do you want love? There are many forms of it and if you say yes then we can discuss how to get there which always starts within. If you have become one of those bitter, sadden, cynical, and lonely people who say ”no!" to my question then I simply say, continue to do what you are doing. You will be lonely, sadden, cynical, and you won't have the chance to blame anyone but you....

I am excited to come to this point with you and I hope that you are ready to hear, listen, speak, learn, and look back with laughter, and move forward in the feeling of expectation, as someone dear to me has said. Its time to get down the center of it all and go along for the ride...

Let me explain a little bit about me:

I have been in love, I have enjoyed love, I have been hurt in love, but I have survived love. That’s all you need to know, lol.

I am no expert, but I can help you and you can help me. I will address some myths, fallacies, need to items in order to understand the opposite sex, and things that will help YOU in a relationship. It is not always about your spouse, lover, friend, or what ever you want to call them. But hey, we will get to that. Send questions comments and anything to me and it will get a response, advice, or an answer. Are you ready? I AM.

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