Thirty-Something-Sass

You Don’t Like Me, You Really Don’t Like Me!

Ok, so what the hell is going on? Is it that time of year? Everyone’s making fresh starts, detoxifying, ridding themselves of baggage…for some, the “baggage” is hating ME. I knew it was a possibility…growing up with two sisters giving me daily mantras of “I hate you! You are useless! I wish you were never born” really made me want to be likeable and friendly so it‘s how I made it through life. I simply liked it better when people said “Hello“ to me instead of “You ruined my life“. Enter 2010...suddenly, in the last few days, haters-of-me are no longer in hiding.

Being January, I just wanted to concentrate on my own body’s detox and excess-weight purge. Instead, my gut is taking a beating since learning that people at work (note the plural people) have been bad-mouthing me in front of peers and today I was yelled at, in front of peers again, by someone who I thought was a friend. Yelled at!

I used to live in a blind bliss where nothing really affected me too deeply (unless it was glaringly obvious). But recently, all hell has broken loose and everyone, it seems, has gone mad. At least towards me, anyway. I am no longer the “one who gets along with everyone”. Suddenly, I am abhorred by some, despised by a few and just plain bitchy to everyone else. “Likeable” and “friendly”? Rest in peace.

Life lesson time - not everyone is going to like me. I used to have just one or two people who I knew didn’t like me and it took me a long time to get over it but I always thought that as long as I stayed off of their To Kill list, I’d be ok. In light of new facts, I have thought about this a bit deeper and I was able to list at least six people who, would sneer when they heard my name, might even spit at it if they had the opportunity and would likely kick me in the shin if they could.

My skin is thickening as I type. I’m notching this realization on my belt and will continue to try to not piss people off or be mean for the sake of being mean (or funny). But man, I really miss the ignorant bliss of my youth (read: anytime before last week).

So as I sit and reflect while finishing this box o’ wine from the holiday season (I‘m detoxing my fridge), I remind you to pay attention to who you’re angry at and to decide whether or not it‘s worth your energy and theirs (if they know your feelings). Such toxicity is not productive for the body or the mind. Especially mine.

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You gotta write if you wanna write

Ok, I’ve been away from this for a while but realize I need to work out my writing brain if I want to write, so here we go.

A few things have inspired me lately. One, this H1N1 hysteria has pissed me off. I hate being stressed about making an important decision on behalf of my children (read: to vaccinate or not to vaccinate). At very corner, there’s another person with an opinion - educated or not - that makes me rethink my own stance. And I could certainly do without the added worry from the media sensationalizing any and every story that will sell their newspapers or broadcasts. At this time (Nov 10) I still haven’t decided but plan to in the near future.

The second thing that inspired me to write is getting a note from an editor at cottage life in regards to an article idea I pitched to him in March…yes, March. (NOTE: Since embarking on this Journey to Publication, I have learned that writing is not about quick gratification). Although the editor did not actually accept my idea, he did not NOT accept it…meaning, he pointed me in the direction of a 200 word anecdotal piece for their On The Waterfront section (instead of a 800 word piece I pitched for a different part of the same section). A foot in the door is a foot in the door, even if it’s only 200 words…change that to a “published” 200 words.

The third inspirational twang was reading a girlfriends’ blog. She’s recently gotten herself back into the dating scene and has been graciously writing about the good, bad and adrenaline rush-ness of online meeting and greeting. I love reading about real life tense and stressful situations and hers are deeply fascinating. Raw and real and I love being with her, every step of the way!

Ok, so I’m back. Regular writing is key.

Thanks for reading, whoever you are.

Steph

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PUBLISHED!!!

I am officially published. As of May 13, 2009, I was a published writer. That's right. Maybe I should capitalize it. Published Writer. Published Writer. And in The Globe and Mail no less!!

What a total and amazing rush. Setting a goal to be published this year and then seeing my name in the byline of The Globe and Mail made me so ridiculously proud.

Everyone was so unbelieveably supportive - Steve, family, friends, colleagues - total rush.

Unfortunately the Globe online underwent a major redesign two weeks after it waspublished so I can't link to the article as it ran but I found a mobile version (update: you need to copy and paste the following url into your browser but I also pasted it as it appeared, at the bottom of this entry.)

www.theglobeandmail.com/life/facts-and-arguments/article1134244.ece

I also very much enjoyed the firestorm of comments that came out of my essay. There were 107 at last count - some very nasty and judgemental ones that questioned my decision to even have kids <gasp!> and others that were very supportive and totally understood what it meant to have a loving family - one that works together and believes that happy parents are great parents. Rush!!

And that's that. For now.

Ssy

Facts & Arguments Essay

I don't want to be a stay-at-home mom

There. I said it. It sounds so ugly, but I like working and having a little me timeSTEPHANIE REBOT TARLING

From Wednesday's Globe and Mail Published on Wednesday, May. 13, 2009 12:00AM EDT Last updated on Thursday, Jul. 09, 2009 12:31PM EDT

A cold sweat broke out on my forehead. My heart started to pound. I was in a total panic.

After some serious number-crunching, my husband Steve had just offered me the opportunity of a lifetime: staying at home with our sons, three-year-old Duncan and 11-month-old Griffin.

"We'd have to pull Duncan from preschool, we'd need to shop a little smarter and we wouldn't be able to get that cleaning lady that we wanted to hire, but we could do it," Steve said.

I had mentioned to him, the night before, that I was starting to get weepy about my mat leave coming to an end. And then he surprised me with that dangling carrot.

I had never given staying at home any serious thought. That "weepy day" just happened to be a wonderful, tantrum-free one full of playing, shopping and napping - and no chores. It was one of those few and far between, perfect, at-home-mom days.

I thought about my husband's suggestion for five minutes, and then let the idea pass.

I awoke the next morning to a pounding headache. Could I stay at home? Wasn't that what so many young mothers wanted? A chance to be a full-time, 24/7 mother to her children? Wasn't I supposed to want to jump to the phone, dial my boss's number and tender my resignation immediately?

Why, then, was that the last thing I wanted to do? I was being suffocated with the notion of staying at home. Wasn't I jealous that two of my friends had just happily decided to do the same thing? What exactly had I been jealous of?

It wasn't that I was exceptional at my job in the financial industry or anything. I surely wasn't looking forward to a daily 6 a.m. shower and subsequent meltdown over what shirt-and-pants combo best minimized that muffin-top roll at my waist. In short, I hadn't been chomping at the bit to go back, but the assumption was that I would go. End of story. This opportunity was a real surprise for me.

The day I returned to work after my first maternity leave, I was drunk with excitement at dinnertime, telling Steve everything about the day: all the uninterrupted conversations I had had with people, how happy everyone was to see me and, mainly, how everything was exactly the same.

I had been so anxiety-ridden for the month leading up to my return that I was giddy at the end of my first day back to learn that nothing had changed in my post-baby working world.

We had the luck of finding a great babysitter just down the street from us, so my child was in good hands. The busy new routine aside, I was quite enjoying my newfound me time again. I had forgotten about me for a while. To have people's undivided attention for adult conversation all day long was dreamy.

I even (gasp) enjoyed the commute with my iPod and my book. That's right, I enjoyed riding the subway. Possibly the only thing a stay-at-home mom is not guaranteed in her day is time alone. But a commuter is promised that 20 minutes twice a day. Sure, that time is shared with hundreds of strangers and the same number of unidentified smells, but it's still time to myself.

I might have had a different response to my husband's offer had it been after my first maternity leave. I think I would have been way more open to the idea, especially since I knew other young moms who would be off as well and I was used to spending the whole day with my son. Most importantly, I despised the idea of giving him to someone else to care for during the day.

But with hindsight being 20/20, it all worked out. And I don't think I would have changed things if I had had the opportunity.

Truthfully, the idea of staying at home with both boys scared me. I didn't fully understand the fear since I knew I could do it. The problem was did I want to do it? And how awful was I for voicing this concern?

I don't want to stay at home with my children full-time. There. I said it, first to myself and then to my husband. It sounded so ugly and I felt dirty for saying it, but it was the truth. I think we're all better off with me working outside our home.

Thankfully, Steve didn't judge me. He didn't mention the fact that I'm basically working in order to pay for our astronomical daycare expenses. We never discussed it again.

Except for the time when we humored the idea of having a third child - now that would mean I would have to stay home and probably even force us to move to the suburbs for more space. But that's not likely to happen.

Stephanie Rebot Tarling lives in Toronto.

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A message to young girls: stop it!

I saw a pretty girl on the subway this morning, 16-ish, with a hot-pink tam hat on her head, shocking purple tights on her legs, and canary yellow studs the size of large gumballs in her earlobes. I wanted to walk to her, grab her arms, shake her lightly while looking into her blue-eye-shadowed eyes, then embrace her like a sister and say, “honey, I did the 80’s and I regret it more than anything – the hair, the accessories, the neon, the neon…oh god the neon…” but I couldn’t say anything because, who am I? Although I am a survivor of the fashion faux-pas-ness that was the 80’s, I have no control over today’s fashions other than to never, ever wear anything like that again. And anyway, the rule is, if you’ve already lived through a trend, stay the hell away from it the next time it comes around, right? There is a God. As for the girl, I guess it’ll give her something to write about in ten years when she looks back at the 10,000 Facebook pictures she posted…

And what is with this over-sized bag trend that is sweeping young girls off their feet, literally. Why do they think they look cool with these gigantic bags lodged into the crook of their elbow forcing the palm of their hand up and outstretched from their body, reminiscent of a vagrant begging for coins? It is so obnoxious. I blame the designers for making these purses with the little tiny handles that these girls hoist into their elbow and I blame Sex and the City for making them look cool and amazing. These girls can’t possibly have enough money to buy these bags or enough stuff to fill them! I didn’t even own a purse until I started working in an office environment ten years ago. And even then it was only to hold my wallet, blistex and face powder, maybe an umbrella if it was threatening rain, and my book. What do these girls carry in their oversized arm-breaker purses? I’m guessing crap. Perhaps a lip gloss (or five), a cell phone and a wallet. The rest is undoubtedly crap.

Maybe I’m being harsh. I know they all want to be the next Carrie Bradshaw of their generation but don’t they realize she’s fictional? And even if they become a version of her, they can never be immortalized in a television show about their Carrie Bradshaw-ness because it’s already been done!

While I’m ranting anyway, I have one more thought I’d like to address. The Parisification of voices – all high-pitched, baby-ish and non-assertive. I’m sure Paris Hilton would argue that it’s purposely being unassertive in a far-reaching attempt to get the upper hand in a male-dominated world. What she doesn’t take into consideration is that strong, assertive women don’t fall for it and think it’s lame. And quite frankly, a setback for those of us who don’t want people thinking we’re baby girls. Why does she talk like that and why do so many young girls copy it? I was watching something that had Khloe Kardashian (ugh, why do I even know this girl?) and she spoke like Paris. I’ve seen the same from Nicole Ritchie, Jessica and Ashlee Simpson, Lauren Conrad and Whitney Port from the Hills, and it’s even trickled down to my cousins, who are 24 and 26. I fully blame Paris for the tone of voice that makes me cringe.

Stand up girls and lose those losers! Get some new role models. Might I suggest Tina Fey or Beyonce?

Ssy

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Horoscopaholic

Beyond all better judgement, I’m a horoscoper. I look to the pages of my paper, or an online version if a hardcopy isn’t available, and I pretend not to care, and I pretend to just happen to flip to the life section, quickly skimming the page until my eyes fall upon Leo and my prediction for the day.

What is wrong with me, anyway? I am an educated and intelligent woman. I know I shouldn’t really care what some star-gazing half-quack is saying about my future outlook, but I can’t get enough. And I’ve been especially crazed since all the beginning-of-the-year predictions have been getting a lot of print space.

So I thought it might be fun to see just how truly relevant my daily horoscope is to my daily reality.

By the way, I’m a Leo. Roar.

*************************

January 1, 2009: Right from the get-go of this year, you will wrestle with the implications of a demanding development. Things will progress at breathtaking speed. Prepare for a journey of discovery that sees you hurtling toward prosperity and comfort. Thoroughly apply yourself to a vital project and sheer magic will be manifest.

FYI, this is the horoscope that prompted my new-found addiction. It seemed like such a stunning outlook for me, that I just had to share with everyone. In fact, it was my mom who called me up that morning and read it aloud to me because she also got the same super-feel-good vibe from it as I did.

Accuracy level: High. I started a new job December 8^th and due to the holidays and year-end wind up, there was not much that was pressing but there was a promise that we’d be hopping “from the get-go” of January. And because it’s in Sales, “breathtaking” speed seems reliable as does “a journey of discovery” since I’ve never been in Sales before.

January 2, 2009: Being blessed with a feisty personality, you rarely let fate blow you in a direction that you didn't choose. But there is not much sense now in taking some wild and unnecessary risk. Restrain lavish impulses for the moment.

Accuracy level: Low. I don’t see myself as “feisty” and there’s no real “unnecessary risk” out there that I see. We were at the cottage that day. I was tobogganing though – that could be pretty risky.

January 3, 2009: The weight on your shoulders is starting to lighten. There is a natural law that dictates everything must sooner or later change. What goes down must come up. Troughs inevitably rise to peaks. Sadness turns to happiness.

Accuracy level: Low. I was on vacation at the cottage that day tobogganing and snowshoeing and eating. So the prediction is pretty nonsensical. If I had wanted a physics lesson, I would have…hang on, I never want a physics lesson. We actually had to go home that day so weight was added to my shoulders as I had to pack and clean and drive home.

January 4, 2009: Some things come together naturally and effortlessly. Others prove problematic from the outset. The more we try to simplify matters, the more complex they become. Ease the pressure today by doing what relaxes you the most.

Accuracy level: Low. I didn’t have time to relax that day – we had a birthday party at 10 a.m. and then we had to shop, clean and then go to a neighbourhood party at three. We were pretty relaxed about it though. And the wine certainly helped.

January 5, 2009: You are caught in a seemingly hopeless situation. The more you dwell on what's wrong, the more likely you are to end up with what you don't want. Deliverance will come with a gently persistent but intelligently adaptable approach.

Accuracy level: Low. My hopeless situation could have been that the blackberry I was supposed to get at my new job, a month ago, is still not ready for me. And the laptop I was supposed to get got lost in the shuffle of the holidays. So when I get these things, I think I want them but really, what am I asking for? To be reachable at all times and equipped to take work home with me at any given time. I’m not sure about the “intelligently adaptable approach” thing.

January 6, 2009: You are a conscientious, dutiful, diligent, hard-working and loyal Leo who takes obligations and responsibilities very seriously. What you face now is demanding, but you've got more ability, skill and energy than you realize.

Accuracy level: High. Yes! I love hearing I’m conscientious, hard-working and loyal. I love hearing that I have more ability and skill and energy than I realize. I love it! I’m posting this one directly to my resume. I am Leo, hear me freaking ROAR.

January 7, 2009: A new idea will bring you great excitement. You will be eager to pursue it, but hesitant to discuss it openly. Those you do speak to, though, will believe in the strength of your vision.

Accuracy level: Medium. Is it referring to the idea I had to do this? I started it last night at home. I’m also thinking about sending it to my ex-instructor from a freelance course I took last year.

January 8, 2009: You must believe in yourself, but you must also respect those with whom you interact. If you manage to do that, you'll find that success becomes the end result.

Accuracy level: HIGH. Wow. It’s 11:27 am and I just had a bit of a war with a colleague from my old department regarding a project I was using one of his people for. He made the employee back out of the project about three weeks before we’re ready to launch and now I’m stuck. I politely requested that he continue his groups’ involvement to which he all but denied me. So I showed respect by saying fine, I’ll take it myself but what I really wanted to do was tell him off. Then I read this. Let’s see if “success becomes the end result”.

NOTE: 4 p.m. I reacted even more respectfully throughout the day and now I have a new plan of action and no longer have to deal with the guy with whom I interacted. SUCCESS!

January 9, 2009: A series of exciting, albeit unsettling, events may have triggered insecurity but Jupiter will embolden you with confidence and certitude. A wonderful sense of reassurance will inspire your cause.

Accuracy level: HIGH. I DO feel inspired and confident today. Mainly because I fit my weight-losing ass into some fine skinny-ish jeans – a size I don’t ever recall purchasing in my adult years.

I have to post this one from today – It’s from the Globe and Mail and makes me feel fantastic.

If you are one of those Leos who dreams of seeing their name in lights - and which Leo doesn't? - you will very soon get the opportunity to put on a show and dazzle the world with your brilliance. Today though, keep dreaming and keep planning.

January 10, 2009: It is better to push things too far than to not go far enough – you can always retreat. The sky is offering you the chance to go farther today. So take it.

Accuracy level: LOW. Didn’t even leave the house that day. Maybe I blew a great big opportunity?

January 11, 2009: When the time comes for you to take an active role in influencing the future you'll instinctively know it. For now, it's not tomorrow that requires your attention. It's today.

Accuracy level: LOW. Too broad a statement, especially for a Sunday when I’m reading the paper and drinking coffee and procrastinating doing the laundry…hey maybe it’s the future of our laundry that’s at stake?

January 12, 2009: There is a chore that you have been putting off. Perhaps it's an overdue conversation. It may even be a promise that needs to be honoured. You'll feel great the moment it's been addressed.

Accuracy level: HIGH. There was a hole in my son’s room since June when we had ductless a/c installed. My husband and father fixed it. Weight, lifted.

January 13, 2009: At times the world is a delightful place. At other times it forces us to take a terrifying roller-coaster ride. Too much of the latter has been occurring lately, but this long period of concern is coming to an end.

Accuracy level: LOW. No scary roller coaster ride that I know of. I’m busy at work but I like being busy.

January 14, 2009: There is tension and a disagreeable drama is now unfolding. You are concerned that things may spiral out of control in this cavalcade of craziness. Stay focused on the broader picture.

Accuracy level: MEDIUM. It sounds ominous though…I will keep my guard up today. NOTE: nothing happened.

January 15, 2009: In most areas of life, if you want to get better at something, you obtain more information through study and research. It appears that your endeavours in this regard are working. A big idea has merit and a strategy is likely to pay off.

Accuracy level: HIGH. I am trying to get better at my new job and I am researching and learning. I like to hear that everything is working and will pay off.

January 16, 2009: Your future lies ahead where the sky meets the land. But the horizon will always be farther away from you, no matter how fast you run toward it. Finances are likely to receive a little boost.

Accuracy level: WTF? Yes, the horizon is always in the distance. And the point is…? Cool about the financial boost – I will go and buy a lottery ticket for fun. Oh wait, it’s payday. I wonder if Phil Booth (astrologer for The Star) gets paid on the same pay schedule as me and a million others in the city. Yeah, this one is pretty dodgy.

NOTE: I just read the other ‘scopes and financial boosts are no where else to be found. Now I really will buy that ticket.

NOTE: I forgot to buy the lottery ticket. Dammit.

January 17, 2009: Don't even bother trying to set the agenda now. You haven't got the freedom you need and, if you try to fight for it, you'll only upset those to whom you owe something. There's a time and a place for everything and it's coming soon.

Accuracy level: Low. Besides organizing my son’s birthday party, happening in six days, with my family, I have no agenda setting plans.

January 18, 2009: You need to tread gently now. Watch that you don't needlessly upset something or someone. Arguments won't help, intelligence will. So be clever about it.

Accuracy level: Funny, this one. I upset my husband because I made fun of his plastering skills. It was meant to be a joke but it still pissed him off and proved his theory that I am totally unsupportive in all things manly that he does.

January 19, 2009: The future keeps on advancing, as quickly as you try to catch it. But you are now effectively entering a new chapter in your life when you will catch up to what you want. Just be aware that there is more than one future waiting for you out there. Choose wisely.

Accuracy level: Wow. I’m nervous. Does this mean a writing gig for me? Does this mean I’ll finally sit, write something and submit it and have it published? Or is there a whole other future in my new job lurking out there? Can’t wait to find out.

January 20, 2009: If things don't turn out quite as you expect, please don't waste time fretting over what has gone wrong. This setback is apparently a blessing. Something else far better is able to happen instead.

Accuracy level: Low. But I don’t like the sound of it.

January 21, 2009: You are tempted to blame yourself for a perceived failure. Stand back and take another look. It is almost certain you aren't to blame and should let yourself off the hook.

Accuracy level: Low. But again, I don’t want there to be a failure attached to my name. That being said, if it’s my fault, I’ll take the hit. But if it’s not, can I chill and let it be or will I have to be sure that the one to blame takes the hit?

January 22, 2009: I missed this one – I had it saved, then my pc crashed and I lost what I had written and now I can’t find the horoscope on line.

Accuracy level: Low.

January 23, 2009: You will soon have certainty where you once had doubt, strength where you once had weakness, clarity where you once had confusion and support where you once had criticism.

Accuracy level: High. I took the day off to clean the house and prepare for my son’s fourth birthday party with my family. I am certain that we live in a sty, I strongly suggested to my husband that we need a cleaning person if we are to be happy, I was clear on the fact that we are pigs and need help and I now fully support the idea of employing someone who would love to have the work. I despise cleaning.

January 24, 2009: You are not afraid of anything or anyone but, lately, you have been apprehensive about saying what's on your mind because it might cause offence. This is not the time for restraint. Give constructive expression to your feelings.

Accuracy level: Medium. I said what was on my mind alright – I yelled at my mother when she tried to offer advice when my son was acting up at his fourth birthday party. But the next day, I constructively expressed that it was the situation I yelled at, not her.

January 25, 2009: You won't need much luck. Planetary pressures indicate that a certain battle is far from over, but a small break will give you the upper hand.

Accuracy level: Low. No battles except between me and the constant filthiness of my house.

January 26, 2009: You are fishing in the sea of serendipity where every catch could be a prize. Even an old boot could have diamonds on its soles. Positive expectation will pay off.

Accuracy level: Low. I have not been fishing since September and I certainly have not found any diamonds lately but I plan to succeed at everything I do, so that’s positive expectations, right?

January 27, 2009: We all have things in our lives we prefer not to face, realities we prefer to ignore. This lunar month suggests, ironically, that you may be in denial of something you could profit from, if you only accepted it.

Accuracy level: Intrigued. I don’t know what I’m ignoring or denying myself that I could be profiting from! Could it be my writing? Could it be that good? Or is it my musical ability? I did just teach myself Katy Perry’s I Kissed a Girl on guitar…hmmm. Maybe I should take it on the road?

January 28, 2009: A helpful discussion and some encouraging encounters will take place over the next few days. You are a unique individual facing a situation that cannot be compared to anyone else's. A troublesome scenario will look much better by the weekend.

Accuracy level: Low. I have had some encouraging encounters and helpful discussions but there’s nothing troublesome about any scenario I’m involved in yet.

January 29, 2009: You may not like all that you see, but at least it's a realistic picture. This will save a lot of angst down the line. A level-headed approach will attract winds that will steer your ship to a welcoming port.

Accuracy level: Low. Says nothing to me.

January 30, 2009: If you demonstrate by your actions that you know what you want, fate will reveal a better alternative. By being decisive, it is possible to ensure progress.

Accuracy level: High. I believe this. I need to be clear in my dreams. I will say it again – I want to be published this year. I will see my writing in a publication. There.

January 31, 2009: You can question another's strange behaviour, but it may trigger a hostile reaction. Proceed with caution.

Accuracy level: High. My husband and I had a huge fight because he wanted to get a better recycling system in place. I blew up.

*************************

If you’re reading these words, I can’t believe you read the whole entry. Even I got seriously bored…but then I got interested again but then again, it was about me. Thanks, if you did make it to the end!

Ssy

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Listen to Me

My four-year-old son is not a good listener. I know this because he forces me to repeat everything in triplicate before he acknowledges me. It’s hard to be a good listener. I have to work hard at it all the time and I’ve got three decades of experience on him.

Recently I’ve listened to some PYT’s (pretty young things) talk about their friends, school, weekends, and just the overall important-ness that is them and their lives and what I’ve noticed is this: they are ridiculously self-centred. And therein lies the problem - for one to be a good listener, one must shut it and be non-self-centred (you-centred?), for one second. In this Facebook, Twitter, myspace, look-at-Me-Me-Me-age, that's tough.

Effective communication occurs when the receiver correctly interprets the intended message spoken by the speaker. But what if the speaker sucks and doesn‘t have a message other than “listen to everything I say and realize how awesome I am?” We’ve all been there before, listening to someone drone on while seemingly viewing themselves as overly important icons (Michael Ignatieff holding court in December, anyone?).

And now that we all have numerous forums in which to post our brilliantly relevant thoughts (natch), who exactly is going to listen?

Ssy

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Canadian Politicos at their Best

Wait a minute…are we on Candid Camera??? Or is this just a ploy to get Canadians as engaged in politics as the recent US election showed that Americans are?

That is the only explanation that makes sense considering the inexplicable conundrum that we Canadians woke up to the other day.

You must be kidding – Harper, Dion, Layton and Duceppe – pulling this fast one on us as our economy and employment rates nose-dive to unprecedented lows.

You just want to get us all riled up, don’t you? And then you’ll regain your senses and act like [elected] grown-ups and begin working through this turmoil that we find our beloved country in. And you all will find a way to work together to fix our economy and the state of our union, right? Right?? You damn well better…

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I am also in love with Beyonce

Yes, it’s true. It’s not my fault though. Bootylicious made me love her. Seriously.

When she was with Destiny’s Child and came out with Survivior, I could not stop making fun of her crazy, trippin’-over-themselves lyrics (“I’m a survivor, I’m not gon’ give up, I’m not gon’ stop, I’m gon’ work harder”). She didn’t even use full words, for chrisakes.

Bootylicious was then put into heavy rotation on the radio station that my cubicle mate used to punish me with by playing eight hours a day. So to get my point across, I printed out the lyrics and began mockingly singing them aloud every time the song played (at least five times a day). To this day, I still have no idea what this jelly is (that I don’ think you’re ready for), but I know it is fiiine and it is miiiine.

And that’s when it happened…the empowerment. The independence. The control I could suddenly assert over my own bad self. I fell into the lyrical genius of Beyonce. One only has to hear her sing any part of Independent Woman Part I to get this point:

I worked hard and sacrificed to get what I get

Ladies, it ain't easy bein independent

Question: How'd you like this knowledge that I brought

Braggin on that cash that he gave you is to front

If you're gonna brag make sure it's your money you flaunt

Depend on no one else to give you what you want

What a message that girl is declaring. And as a side note, do you know how much fun it is to sing the woman’s songs? It’s kind of like how Alanis used to mangle the inflections of all of her super-white-angry-girl words (suppose-ED FOR-mer in-FAT-U-ation junkieEE). My girl B tends to shorten all her words and sentences so she can fit double the amount of words into a song (a useful hint is to stop pronounc’n anyth’n with ing at the end and just end it with an ‘n’ sound. It offers a great punch for each line of the song and enters nicely into the next line).

And now, here I sit addicted to her every move again. She’s come out with “All the Single Ladies”, another girl-power song that sings of a cheating man getting upset that his ex is now doin’ her own l’il thing and if he liked her then he “shoulda putta ring on” her finger. Brilliant. It’s ridiculously catchy and if you have not seen the video, I urge you to look it up on youtube (even better, watch this guy amazingly follow along http://www.blackbottom.com/watch.php?v=QSonBANahFN . Once you get over his outfit, your jaw will drop at the talent).

Make fun of the girl all you want, but damn, that girl can move, damn that girl can sing and damn that girl can work it!

Go B.

Ssy

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Subway Etiquette

I know, I know, you’ve all been there, done that and I’m sure, feel you've had the worst subway ride EVER, at some point in your life. But seriously, where is the Miss Manners of the subway system? Do I honestly, have to be the one to spell it out? Fine - here goes:

IF YOU’RE SITTING LET THE STANDERS EXIT FIRST – Seriously, you selfish, selfish sitters. Let the people who have been teetering on their heels the whole time (or holding the sweaty, slimy, snotty poles) off the train first. You can't just stand up as soon as the train stops and feel entitled enough to exit in front of all the people who were standing and waiting patiently. It’s your choice: sit and get off last or stand and get off before the sitters. That is the price you pay for sitting. Deal with it.
GET THE HELL UP FOR THE ELDERLY AND PREGNANT AND HANDICAPPED – Seriously, get UP. No matter how long a day you’ve had or however deserving of that seat you feel you are, get up for that person who needs it more than you. There is a special place in hell for those of you who pretend to sleep or bury their faces in their books. Just get up.
STOP BLOCKING THE DOOR – Seriously, hooligans, this means you. The young things with their posse of school chums have a tendency to stand in the way of the doors, leaning on the Plexiglass beside the opening but never graciously moving out of the way when people need on or off. Just get out of the way, and then you can stand there again. Common courtesy dudes.
DON’T EAT ON THE SUBWAY – Seriously, it is the grossest thing ever. Do you honestly not know this already? Chips or Doritos-eaters digging their hands into the bag, then licking off the salty deliciousness along with all the grossness from the pole (see # 5). And you apple-eaters – gag me! I once witnessed a woman eating her apple (spraying other passengers with every repulsive bite she took) and then when the train jerked, she reached for the pole with the hand that was holding her apple. Her apple (the inside of it) touched the pole. She was fully aware that her apple touched the pole. She chose to take another bite. Ew.
DON’T PICK YOUR NOSE ON THE SUBWAY – Seriously, if you have to pick your nose, go home or to a private bathroom to do it. Do not be like the dude I saw on the platform who went two-knuckles deep into one nostril, then boarded the train and put that same digit on a pole that other people were sharing. <shudder>
TAKE THE BACKPACK OFF – Seriously, do you not know that the back pack is an extension of your body? Do you have any idea how many people you knock over with that king-size thing you sport on your back?
TAME YOUR HAIR - Seriously ladies (and some guys) with the long and or pouffy, pay attention to where you're flipping your hair. I get so repulsed by people allowing their hair to splay me int he face or rest on my hands while I'm holding the (ew) pole. Just know where your hair is.
DON'T LEAN ON THE POLE - Seriously, do you not realize that when you lean against a pole other people can't hold on to it? If it's just because you don't want to hold a gross pole, then stop being so self-centred and back off. No one wants to hold a gross pole. You are not special.
TURN DOWN THE BEATS – Seriously, I know you’re super-cool and hip-hoppy and techno-wicked and bombastic and freaking badas*s but you are an idiot if you think it’s cool to blast your music because you want to block out the subway scene (noise, chatter, whatever). And if you think you appear cool, you don’t. Not even when you start to move your head or foot to the beat. You just don’t.

Seriously!

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I am in Love with Tina Fey

It's not just because she is the sexiest Sarah Palin impersonator out there. I’ve had a secret crush on Tina Fey ever since I saw her at Saturday Night Live's Weekend Update desk for the first time in 2000, and found myself intrigued by the scar she wore proudly on her face and by her choice of nerdy Lisa Loeb eye wear.

I loved that she was truly funny and the fact that she was head writer at SNL blew me away. I soon found out that she had written, produced (?) and starred in Mean Girls (starring Rachel McAdams), which was such a smart (and fun) movie that it even got me thinking about the writing game and wondering how she came up with all the bits that made that movie a success.

I was heartbroken when she left SNL, in 2006, but learned she would be coming back to TV in 30 Rock, a thirty minute comedy which Lorne Michaels had her develop in order to go head-to-head with Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip (with that name, did it ever really stand a chance?). Michael's and Fey's obvious throw-down worked, and worked well, considering the show, the writing and the actors have won countless awards for their brilliant portrayal of a totally dysfunctional crew of a live sketch/comedy show, based unapologetically on SNL itself.

I've enjoyed Ms. Fey's work so much that I even got new glasses this year - more bold and rimmed than I have ever attempted before - and called them my Tina Fey glasses. You could imagine my shock at work when I donned them, asking people what they thought of my Tina Fey glasses when not one, not two, but five people had no idea who Tina Fey was!!! I was aghast and had to point them in the direction of the internet and kindly asked that they get a life…and a sense of humour.

So my love for her aside, this year I found my political interest piquing. So much so, that I can't stop talking about the State of the Union to anyone who will listen...does it matter that I'm Canadian and that we had our own (dismal) election this year? Did I have any conversations about my own country's politics at all? Well, yes, but they all ended in the word 'hole' when describing the main party's candidates, but I digress.

I've admittedly never been as politically aware, as I am now, in all of my life. This American race is one of historical proportions.

During my last week of summer vacation in late August, I learned that republican presidential candidate, Governor John McCain, had finally appointed his running mate, the sexy Alaskan Governor, Sarah Palin. Oh. My. God. The stories that were dug up on this lady were unimaginable and to her credit, she never faltered. She just kept pluckin' along on her trailblazin' trail, tryin' to show that, us women have a place in high government too, ya know.

She made for such a fascinatingly brilliant character - one of top-notch comedic magnitude that few people could impersonate her credibly.

Enter Tina Fey.

Sure, it certainly helps that she is a spitting image of the gaffe-filled governor, but the brilliance of Fey's writing prowess makes her just the best role-model a girl like me could have. I should probably credit Amy Poehler as well for the jaw-dropping-in-awe performance that both of them gave on the season opener of this year's SNL in September (the one where Palin unabashedly likened herself to an exasperated Hilary Clinton).

I fell in love with her all over again, and like so many others, now I just anxiously await her next Palin performance. Last night's special SNL Thursday Edition, which teamed Fey's Palin with Will Ferrell's scathingly dim-witted George W., did not disappoint.

I will be sad when, on November fourth, Americans will (have to) choose Obama, and Palin will have to ski-doo back to her crazy old lipstick-wearin'-hockey-mom-of five-soon-to-be-grandmother-of-one-governin’ job in Alaska.

Thankfully, 30 Rock will be back for the new season so I can still get my Fey-fix.

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To: Our Burglar

An open letter to the loser who broke into my car and stole my kids’ dvd player, their favourite movie, our GPS and all the change, minus the pennies you so thoughtfully (and creepily) left behind.

Dear Scumbag Loser,

Who do you think you are, anyway? What gives you the right to prowl MY neighbourhood, checking for (accidentally) unlocked car doors and then stealing from them as YOU see fit.

I understand that the warped logic may go something like, if they could afford it once, they can afford it again. But that’s not the point. That was OUR stuff. OUR hard-earned money bought those things. That's why WE work – to BUY things that make OUR lives simpler.

You are a loser who seems to feel entitled to anything you can scam from innocent , sleeping, bystanders. It’s abhorrent, what you do and you know it. So why do it? Is it to pay for your loser-drug habits? Are you, like, a 14-year-old loser brat who is craving mommy and daddy’s attention? It can’t be to supplement a normal, respectable job that you could most likely land if you took the time to stop stealing from strangers in the middle of the night…

For the record, next time you rifle through my change and take only the silver and leave behind the pennies, you might as well take my chapstick, the open tub of gum and my re-useable coffee cup since I certainly don’t want to touch anything your loser hands may have touched.

You disgust me. Get a job. Get a real life. Make a difference.

Ssy

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I am Writer, Read me Write

So, I signed up for another continuing education writing class at the local university. I'm stressed about it but at the same time love how it’s opening my world up just a bit more.

Since Monday’s first class, I already have a good feeling about the instructor, I’m not the oldest one in there (why this age complex?) and I already feel a competitiveness that I haven’t felt at work for quite some time. So, I love it.

What annoys me is seeing how confident the youngin’s are and I long to travel back in time and mulligan my 20’s. Do them over with all the confidence that I have finally amassed to date – which, for the record, would still leave me with a huge void to continue filling...

But where do these guys get it from? Are we breeding these smug-as-hell 22 year-old university grads to come out fighting? Where was I when I finally graduated university? Oh yeah, I was super-tipsy at the annual May 2-4 end-of-year-before-high-paying-GM-summer-student-job, northern-Ontario camping drunkfestpolooza. Where were my goals? Mulligan!

And another thing…there were 6 guys and 8 girls in the class. The instructor asked, on three occasions, for someone to give an example topic of an article that the class could workshop. How many of the girls do you think raised their hands? Zero. All the takers were male. What is that bullshit anyway? It just leads me to believe I’m not the only one lacking confidence in this day and age.

So, out of the eight females, there were three experienced women, there were three of me (30-something new-ish moms) and there were two young student types. If we were all so bold as to sign up for the class, why oh why couldn’t we muster up enough courage to expose OUR ideas? I’ll tell you why I didn’t – because I didn’t want to bore anyone with the ideas I had for my articles about being a 30-something young working mother of two living in the Big Smoke and aspiring to be so much more than she thinks she is now. Instead, I chose to listen to all the boys talk about pot, condos and jet-setting. So why should I have to sit and work out their ideas and not feel strongly enough about my ideas to expose them to class as a workshop topic?

I won’t anymore. Screw this. I am totally taking a page from a young 20 year old co-op student I work with who is the most arrogant young thing I have ever met, and yet still maintains total and utter charm. I will conquer this fear and doubt of my abilities. I will WRITE, dammit.

Ssy

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I am Blogger, hear me Blog

Welcome to Thirty-Something Sass…not to be confused with “thirty somethings ass” which is what I just read as I opened up this blog page for the first time. I really should re-think this title…

As a quick introduction, this is my first real crack at writing and publishing on-line (or anywhere for that matter). I only wish to offer some musings of life in my world right now – the world of a married, full-time working mother, of two wicked cool boys, who is kind-of-sort-of-but-not-really going through a bit of a mid-mid life crisis. Strike that. It’s not a crisis, it’s a realization. Life, in a new place. The undefined place that resides achingly close to my fun-filled youth, yet is not within reach of the more comfortable experience- and wisdom-filled maturity of adulthood.

Technically, I know I’m an adult but for some reason the meter, on which I measure age, still defines me as a kid. Probably because in my head, my parents and my bosses are ‘adults’. If they’re adults, how can I be one as well? For some reason I can’t grasp the fact that I am a grown adult. Thankfully I am closer than ever to understanding my age since becoming a mother, twice over, in the last three years and since I am inundated, at every turn, with youthful new hires to our company, whose seemingly sole purpose is to make me feel adult-like.

Working in the financial sector of a big city can take it’s toll on a thirty-something woman who is on the cusp of loving herself, as is, but then gets so easily swayed by the new wrinkles she regularly finds around her eyes and the constant emergence of PYT’s (pretty young things) into the revolving door that is Office Life. And hearing about their party-laden weekends, thoughtless make-out sessions with other PYT’s and their Sunday 16 hour sleep-ins, it’s enough to make you feel super-nostalgic and super out-of-it.

But today was a breakthrough for my own ego. After recapping the events of my ridiculously relaxing but oh-so-boring-in-comparison cottage weekend with my man and my boys, the youngest of the PYT’s in my office said, “Oh, you have SUCH a great life!”. How cool am I? Stick around to find out exactly how un-cool I am…

Ssy

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