Penis Envy

As I go through all of my daily emails from guys who answer my ads looking for dates, there is one thing I have NEVER understood. Why, why, WHY would a guy think it’s a good idea to send a picture of his wee willy winky?
Does he look at his pork sword everyday and think to himself “Man, if girls could just have a peek at this beautiful example of manhood, I could have ANY woman in the world?”

I know I should just delete those emails and most of the time I do. But sometimes I can’t help myself. I know it’s just encouraging them to send more moronic emails, but it’s a disease.
But you can’t insult most of these guys. They don’t know the meaning of the word "insult" - but then again they don't know the meaning of most words.

One guy was morbidly obese. If he had been clothed I woulda taken pity on him. I wouldn’t have DATED him, but at least I wouldn’t have insulted him. I emailed back “Sorry but I would have to use a GPS tracking devise just to find your little dinky winky.
He just emailed back “LOL you’re a funny girl. Want to meet?

Now SOME guys reveal themselves to be completely unhinged lunatics when you insult them, and it starts an email war.
One guy looked like he had some kinda zombie crotch rot. Not to mention his twig was so small, I’m sure that every time he went to the bathroom, he peed on his nutsack.
I emailed back:
”So, I mean, is this it??? Sorry, but you couldn’t satisfy me, or any other woman for that matter. Better invest in a blow up doll. Or better yet, drill a hole in a Barbie doll because I don’t think they make blow up dolls that small."
His response:
“Yeah?! You think so? Well, maybe you just have a really stretched out vagina! Didja think of that? Maybe you should stop doing that trick where you stick the can of soda up there and open the flip top with your uterus muscles.”
Actually, I was impressed that he even knew a big word like uterus, let alone where it was. But not impressed enough to date an obvious freak, So I emailed back:
"I'm telling every single one of my friends that you have a three inch Mr. Floppy.
Keep f***ing whining and I won't even exaggerate that much!"
Then I just deleted his email channel so he couldn't contact me anymore.

And why do they have a pet name for it???
One guy asked me: “How would you like to meet Mr. Rooter?”
I mean what the hell? Does he have sex with his sink drain?

I swear to GOD, sometimes I think the lesbians have it right.
Sigh

Here are some of the past responses I’ve sent to these naked idiots:

"Yikes, I’d heard rumors that you were small but...DAMN!"

"Well at least there's no chance I'd gag!"

Well, at least the good news is it makes your balls look really big."

"Oh, cute. It's like a little button!"

"Do you think it'll ever get any bigger?"

“Sorry, I don’t date 5 year olds.”

"You've got to be kidding me!

”I've seen small ****s before but GODDAMN!"

"You poor thing!"

"I should hook you up with my friend Shelly. She was saying that small dicks don't bother her."

"I seriously think this is the size of a paperclip. I mean one of those little ones." I actually got a paperclip out and compared.

"Good luck ever finding someone who wants that pindick."

"I lied. It is by FAR the smallest f***ing **** I've ever seen."

Don’t worry. There have been lots of medical breakthroughs for guys with little wankers.
But in truth, you probably should get it taken care of before sending pictures of it.

Does your semen taste like chocolate, or do you shoot 100% pure liquid gold that I could sell on the market for a grand a jizz? What made you think I''d want to see it?

I bet you own a Hummer.
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My Adventures in America

Penis Envy