Thinking With the Wrong Head

I forget what year this was, but I had just received my new schedule and saw that I was going to have a day and a half in Las Vegas. So I placed a few classified ads to find a date while I was there. As I recall I got about 200 responses. I did end up with a ‘hook-up’ but (and maybe it had something to do with the location) DAMN I got a ton of idiots responding. The one that sticks in my memory was this one. (& you’ll see why)
The only thing in his email was a picture and these words- “sex all day 4u300”
Now, there was not one word in my ad that even remotely suggested that I might be a hooker, and it kinda pissed me off.
He was kind of cute (for being an asshole) so I thought he might fall for this. So I wrote him back.
I am not a hooker, but I AM attracted to you.
So I told him to get a suit at the Bellagio, have some Dom on ice and when I come to the door, be butt naked. I told him I am into role-playing and I will be the naughty maid.
This set-up took 4 or 5 emails and I am condensing.
So when the time came, I called the hotel and asked to be transferred to this jerk’s room.
By God he’s actually there. I ask if he has the Dom on ice, and the strawberries and whipped cream. He says “Of course my dear. The only thing that is missing is you.”
I told him that I was on my way and would be there in about 20 minutes. And since I ‘m going to play the naughty maid, I’ll knock on the door and say “Housekeeping”.
Personally, I think a guy would have to be pretty damn stupid to answer a hotel door naked when someone knocked on the door and said “Housekeeping”. I mean REALLY.
How stupid would you have to be? But I was counting on 3 things. 1- if it didn’t work, who cares? He already bought the room and champagne. 2- I made the “date” for 10:30 at night when no one would expect housekeeping to show up, and 3- I counted on the little head to do the thinking for the big head. The blood can’t be in 2 places at once.
Of course you can see where this is headed.
I called the front desk of the Bellagio. I said that I was going to be back in my room in 10 min and could you please send housekeeping up to the room right then with some extra pillows since I intended to retire right away.
The only thing missing would to have been a fly on the wall to see the melee. But what are you going to do. Can’t have everything.
Or so I thought.
Early the next morning I was checking my emails, when lo and behold an email from the asshole:
“You think that was f*****g funny? You get me to buy a room and then set me up for embarrassment? You F*****g C**t!!! Were you hiding somewhere watching while the maid was screaming at me in Spanish!!! Did you have a good laugh? This is NOT over!
If you think…” It went on and on, but who cares.
I laughed till I cried. Then I saved the email to show my friends and deleted his email channel so he couldn’t email me again.
Lesson to guys: 1- Don’t treat a woman like a whore. 2- Don’t assume that you are “all that”. And 3- If you act like a jerk, and get treated like a jerk, don’t let us know how well the prank worked. Who knows, you might end up being the subject of a blog.
:)

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My Adventures in America

Thinking With the Wrong Head