A History of Playboy(s)

A History of Playboy(s)
(Or, then and now with George W. Bush, Salman Rushdie,
Bebe Buell, Rosalynn Carter, and Arnold Schwarzenegger)

As my loyal readers know, I devote my first column of the new month to reviewing the past month. This month, I’m doing a variation on the theme. A then and now.

THE POLITICAL EDUCATION OF GEORGE BUSH
Then: The date was January 20, 1980. Ronald Reagan scanned the crowd at his first inaugural. “I glanced around,” he wrote in his memoirs, The Reagan Diaries, “and saw George Bush’s ne’re-do-well son. Not the political one who lives in Florida; the one who hangs around all the time looking shiftless, the playboy. This so-called kid is almost 40 and has never had a real job.”

Now: The résumé of George W. Bush reads: Managing general partner of the Texas Rangers, 1989-1994. Governor of Texas, 1994-2000. President of the United States, 2001-current.

Lesson we should take from this: We are what our first few jobs teach us to be. George Bush’s first few jobs taught him unlimited swagger. The political education of George Bush lacks a key component: humility. Now, if only George Bush had worked the cash register at McDonald’s during his undergraduate days at Yale.

THE PROPHET MUHAMMAD VS. WINNIE THE POOH
Then: The date was February 14, 1989. In announcing the death-sentence fatwa against Salman Rushdie for his novel, The Satanic Verses, Ayatollah Khomeini proclaimed, “It is incumbent on every Muslim to employ everything he has, his life and his wealth, to send Rushdie to hell.”
     As a result of Khomeini’s fatwa, the Japanese translator of The Satanic Verses was stabbed to death in July 1991. That same month, the Italian translator was nearly stabbed to death. The Norwegian publisher barely avoided an assassination attempt two years later.
     Rushdie lived for years under British governmental protection. Hoping to end the fatwa, Rushdie apologized for the book. That calmed the storm somewhat. In 2006, however, the Iranian government announced that the fatwa against “the apostate Salman Rushdie will be in effect forever.”

Now: While Rushdie’s fatwa lives on, the Sudanese have entered similar territory. Last week the Sudanese penal system considered the punishment for teacher Gillian Gibbons. Gibbons’ crime: she allowed her 7-year-old pupils to name a class teddy bear Muhammad.
     Under Sudan’s penal code, Gibbons could have been jailed for six months and whipped 40 times. Meanwhile, hundreds of Sudanese called for Gibbons to be put to death.
     The Sudanese penal system sentenced Gibbons to 15 days in jail for insulting Islam.
     Fortunately for Gibbons, she is a British national. Fortunately for Gibbons, her country came to her defense. Fortunately for Gibbons, she doesn't have to face the wrath of Ayatollah Khomeini. Sudan’s President Omar al-Bashir pardoned her. She jumped on a flight for England that same afternoon. “I’m sorry for the whole incident,” she told a gaggle of international journalists at the Khartoum airport. “I should have listened to my instinct. I wanted to name the bear Winnie the Pooh.”
     How would Winnie the Pooh have reacted to the clash behind Islam and the West? Consider these prophetic Pooh words: “If the person you are talking to doesn’t appear to be listening, be patient. It may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his ear.”

WHAT IF BEBE BUELL HAD BEEN PRESIDENT?
Then: The date was February 1981. Playboy Magazine featured Bebe Buell as its playmate of the month. If ever a playmate projected confidence, Buell certainly did. She arched her topless chest; she squared her shoulders; she offered a hungry, almost insatiable stare. She dared the viewer not to touch the photography of her body. Her confidence in her sexuality was staggering.
     Opposite the photography of Bebe Buell, Playboy published a retrospective of the Carter presidency, entitled “Life Inside the Carter Administration.” The author was Hodding Carter, a State Department spokesman. Hodding Carter wrote, “An eerie silence descended over the White House” during the Iran hostage crisis. “It was like nobody wanted to be heard. It was like nobody knew what to do. There was a crisis in confidence. Even the roses in the rose garden were quaking.”
     Playboy’s juxtaposition of an insecure administration and a swaggering playmate of the month offered some historical revisionism. What would have happened had Bebe Buell been president?
     Buell’s staggering sexuality enticed a hall of fame of rock stars into her bed. To name just a few: Mick Jagger, Iggy Pop, David Bowie, Rod Stewart, Elvis Costello and Todd Rundgren. In 1977, Bebe Buell became pregnant. She gave birth to a daughter, Liv. For the first twelve years of her life, Liv believed that her father was Todd Rundgren. She changed her name, however, when she discovered the true identity of her father, Steven Tyler, the lead singer of Aerosmith. “You have to understand,” Liv Tyler announced to the world, “Steve was always around. I think my mother’s true love was Todd. I know she lost her virginity to him. But she loved Steve too. And when I found out that Steve was my dad, I thought it was pretty terrific. It didn’t really change anything. I mean, I always called Steve Steve and that didn’t change. I did start to call Todd by his first name. Which was kind of strange.”

Now: Liv Tyler, today a prominent movie actress, made this announcement to the world in the March 2007 issue of Playboy Magazine, in an article entitled "Liv's Coming Out Party." She also announced, “I have these slumber parties with my father and when we can’t sleep we stay up all night trading beauty tips. He knows all about the good creams and masks.”
     In the March 2007 Playboy, Ms. Tyler also offered a photography spread, Bebe Buell-like. Check out both the photography and the article at: http://www.playboy.com/style/features/babe-of-the-month/liv-tyler.html.

THE FLESHY SIDE OF THE WHITE HOUSE
Then: Let’s stay with the February 1981 issue of Playboy. In his article, “Life Inside the Carter Administration,” Hodding Carter wrote, “The true power in the White House resided in the East Wing. The Steel Magnolia pushed for a rescue operation [during the Iran hostage crisis]. And when that failed, she pushed for another.”
     The Steel Magnolia was, of course, Rosalynn Carter. Her nickname was apt. “She was known for her soft-edged toughness,” Hodding Carter explained. “She was a hawk and she wanted to bomb Iran.”
     In the 21st century, Dick Cheney seems to be channeling Rosalynn Carter.
     Hodding Carter’s article, perhaps to cater to the Playboy crowd, turned prurient. “Personally,” he wrote, “I think Ros Carter was the sexiest first lady in the history of first ladies… and that includes Jackie.”
     Playboy Magazine apparently agreed with Hodding Carter. During her husband’s time in office, Rosalynn Carter received a proposal from the founder of the magazine. Hugh Hefner offered a million dollars if the first lady would pose nude (Playboy payouts to models of the month paid $10,000 in the late 1970s). The magazine, according to Hefner's proposal, promised a “thoughtful and tasteful” photography display. “Playboy Magazine has never made this offer to any previous first lady,” Hefner’s proposal ended, “and that includes Jackie.”
     Rosalynn Carter never responded. She did, however, keep the proposal. It is a part of her personal papers at the Carter Library in Atlanta, Georgia.

Now: Playboy Magazine, still hoping for its first nude photography of a first lady, or at least a first daughter, propositioned Jenna Bush (at a cool two million dollars – Playboy payouts to models of the month pay $25,000 in the 2000s). “We tried for Chelsea Clinton,” Asa Barber, a contributing editor at Playboy, told me. “At the end of her father’s administration, she thought about it. I think she was angry at her dad for the whole Monica Lewinski scandal. I think she wanted to get back at him. In the end, she turned us down. Then this Jenna thing came up. We thought, with her book showing the serious side of her, she might want to show the exuberant, fleshy side.”
     No answer yet from Jenna, although Mr. Barber won’t be disappointed if the answer is no. “I think we might have a second chance at Chelsea,” he said.

A TALE OF TWO GERALDS
Then: In 1964, Peter Sellers became the first man to grace the cover of Playboy Magazine. He wore a suit. Five years later, a bodybuilder from Austria became the first man to grace the cover of Playboy wearing nothing but a G-string. His name was Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Now: Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger leads a tiny minority within the Republican Party. “There aren’t many moderates left,” Schwarzenegger spokesman Adam Mendelsohn told me. “The Republican Party has become the political arm of the Christian Coalition – like Sinn Féin is to the Irish Republican Army and that’s no hyperbole. The Republican Party has a choice to make. Which way are we going to go? The current way, toward the parochial belligerence of Gerry Adams. Or the moderate way, toward the compromising yet solid Jerry Ford. Schwarzenegger offers the path back to Ford.”
     As caustic as Mendelsohn’s commentary may seem, his words ring true. The face of today’s Republican Party – George W. Bush, Rudy Giuliani – has a Gerry Adams-like swagger. The political education of the Republican Party lacks humility. Meanwhile, Arnold Schwarzenegger, now 60-years-old, has a thinning hairline and a developing potbelly and a moderate’s disposition.
     Here in the 21st century, he’s channeling President Ford.

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The Gonzo Journalism of Brian Josepher

A History of Playboy(s)