Will the Spurs Repeat?

Will the Spurs Repeat?

For months now there’s been a small but relentless letter writing campaign going on. I’m not talking about “Impeach Bush/Cheney” (although let’s give the state of Vermont a hand for passing legislation this week, even if it’s only a non-binding resolution – Bush, by the way, has never traveled to Vermont as president, the only state he has skipped). I’m not talking about “Obama for Beatification.” I’m not even talking about the more recent “Strangle Angelina Jolie for thinking she’s an intelligent person” campaign. Or the “Burn the Washington Post for printing Jolie’s pretension when this nation has remarkable experts who can’t even get published in the letters to the editor section” campaign. I’m talking about basketball fans clamoring for an NBA column from yours truly. Okay, people, the Committee of Josepher hears you. Here’s the Committee’s take on all (important) things NBA.***

Two-thirds into the season and the Committee of Josepher is ready to hand out end-of-the-year awards. Coach of the year: Nate McMillan of Portland. College-aged kids, a recent culture of losing, losing their number 1 pick to injury before the season began, then winning an unfathomable 13 in a row and 17 of 18 games. Incredible. The Jail Blazers have morphed into the UnStale Blazers.
     Runner-up: Byron Scott of New Orleans.
     Player of the year: Manu Ginobili of San Antonio. Without Ginobili, the Spurs might not make the playoffs. With Ginobili, the Spurs are one of two teams that can win the championship (see below). Check out his statistics. According to John Hollinger, a professor of the NBA if ever there was one, Ginobili’s productivity outshines everyone, even Kobe’s. Professor Hollinger compared Ginobili’s per-40-minutes stats to Kobe’s. Bryant averages 26.9 points, 5.9 rebounds and 5.2 assists. His shooting average is 57.7 percent. Manu averages 26.2 points, 6.4 rebounds and 5.9 assists. And his shooting average is 61.7 percent. His team, meanwhile, has won 10 games in a row and has the best record in the conference, as of this writing.
     Runner-up: Kobe Bryant of the Lakers.
     Most disappointing team: my Denver Nuggets. Two all-stars, the defending NBA defender of the year, a supposed legendary coach and this team can’t beat a team with a winning record (except for Phoenix – see below for the Suns’ problems). Allen Iverson, the most courageous player in the NBA, pounds, pounds, pounds the ball. Carmelo Anthony, the NBA’s best slasher, settles for the outside jump shot. Marcus Camby, otherwise known as Dr. Defense, demands the ball on offense. What defensive ace demands the ball on offense? What defensive ace, if he doesn’t get the ball on offense, sulks? Coach Karl sucks on cough drops all game. He doesn’t draw up plays. He doesn’t call timeouts to stem the other team’s momentum. He sucks on cough drops. He’s not exactly a candidate for coach of the year. He’s more like an advertisement for Luden’s.
     (An important note on the saga of the Nuggets. Recently, some discouraged fan built a website: firegeorgekarl.com. The site drew the wrath of the Nuggets’ coach. His lawyer, Bret Adams, fired off a threatening letter to the website’s founder. The website’s founder posted the letter. “Is your life really this boring and meaningless that you would spend the hours necessary to create such a website?” Adams wrote. “As Coach Karl’s counsel I am putting you on notice that I will sue you into bankruptcy should you cross the boundaries of permissible speech.” To the founder of the website, the Committee of Josepher just wants to say: Don’t back down. Your opinions are not libelous. The truth is not libelous. You have fans across the nation.)
     Runner-up: the Phoenix Suns. If not for the injury to Yao Ming and the severe underperformance of my Nuggets, this team wouldn’t make the playoffs. That segues perfectly to:
     Worst trade of the year: Shaquille O’Neal for the Matrix, Shawn Marion. Not only does this trade kill the Suns this year, but Shaq has two years left on his contract at $20 million per year. The Suns are an old team. Steve Nash is 34-years-old. In classical mythology the phoenix lived in the Arabian desert for six centuries. Talking about a long lifespan. This Phoenix’s lifespan ended the day Shaq went west.
     Best trade of the year: The Pau Gasol trade isn’t only the best trade of the year for the Lakers; it’s the best trade of the salary cap era. That segues perfectly to:
     Executive of the Year: Mitch Kupchak. In seasons past there was a website called firekupchak.com. When Kupchak pulled off the Gasol trade, that website magically went away. (Coincidentally, at about the time that firekupchak disappeared firegeorgekarl.com went live.)
     Runner-up: Pat Riley of the Heat. How did he manipulate Phoenix into the Shaq trade? The guy should be in charge of negotiating a Middle East peace treaty.

Only two teams can win the championship. Yes, you read right. All of the NBA pundits lay claim to nine or more teams with the chance of tasting sweet victory. The pundits are wrong. Consider their backgrounds. They’re either ex-players or wannabes who didn’t have NBA talent. Neither translates into insightful observers of the game.
     The two teams who can win the championship are… Well, first let’s look at who can’t. The Golden State Warriors and the Denver Nuggets do not play defense and run playground offenses. The Houston Rockets might have been the third team capable of winning the championship. That ended when Yao had season-ending surgery. The Phoenix Suns have an obese hole in the middle. They traded away their best defender. They can’t defend. They can’t rebound. And now they’re playing four on five because the obese hole in the middle can’t run the court.
     The Dallas Mavericks traded a stalwart defensive point guard for a slow, turnover-prone, no defense point guard. In a conference with the likes of Tony Parker, Deron Williams, Chris Paul and Baron Davis, that’s a killer. Oh, and did the Committee mention that the slow, turnover-prone, no defense point guard cannot shoot a jump shot?
     The New Orleans Hornets are too inexperienced. The Utah Jazz suffer from defensive lapses. This is a team that should be championship caliber. But, whoops, there goes another uncontested lay-up.
     The Cleveland Cavaliers are offensively challenged. Lebron James will continue to dominate but in the playoffs you need three contributors. Who is going to do that for the Cavs? Ilgauskas? Wally Szczerbiak? Do you really want Delonte West or Daniel Gibson taking that crucial shot in a semifinal against Detroit or Boston?
     The Boston Celtics are the Phoenix Suns of the Eastern Conference. Great regular season team but lacking an inside presence when the playoffs turn tight. Kevin Garnett, as great as he is, cannot protect the hoop alone. The Celtics are missing an inside defensive presence.
     The Detroit Pistons are simply too slow to compete with the two big boys in the West. Yes, the Pistons will give a good fight. The Pistons are excellent scrappers. But in the finals this year they will be overmatched by either the San Antonio Spurs or the Los Angeles Lakers.
     When Tony Parker is healthy, he is the best point guard in the NBA. He simply gets to wherever he wants on the floor. He carves up a defense. Nobody on the Pistons, or the Lakers for that matter, can stop him. Chauncey Billups can’t stop him. Derek Fisher can’t stop him. There is one player who can obstruct him. His name is Devin Harris but Mark Cuban decided to trade him to the Nets. Jason Kidd will watch Tony Parker’s tush attack the hoop.
     Add in the best big man in the game, Tim Duncan, and the Most Valuable Player this year, Manu Ginobili, and you can see a repeat champion. The Spurs bench, however, is weak. And that makes them susceptible to an upset in the Western Conference finals. The Lakers have it all… if Andrew Bynum is healthy.
     In the beginning of the season the Committee of Josepher picked the Spurs to beat the Pistons in the finals. The Committee supposes it should stick to that prediction. But if Bynum comes back and the Lakers can integrate him into the Kobe Bryant/Pau Gasol mix, the Committee has no choice but to amend. As unbelievable as it may sound, and as much as the Committee deplores the idea, the Lakers will win the championship.

*** The Committee of Josepher consists of one middle-aged male and one geriatric dog. As a youngster the human played a pretty good game. He had a great feel for the game (almost Larry Bird-like, in his opinion) and he could shoot from long range. The dog never had a good feel for the game. But in his youth he could catch anything thrown his way.

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The Gonzo Journalism of Brian Josepher

Will the Spurs Repeat?