Divorced: The Old and the Lonely?

I was on the subway today and saw a piece of paper on the floor with the title: “The Old and the Lonely”. I’m assuming it floated out of a beat up back pack spattered with dirt stains and various alternative rock buttons (perhaps Green Day or Blink 182-are those band still cool?) pinned to its exterior. The paper was standard issue white, 3 ring binder blue lined notebook paper. The title was written in blue ink…not the confidence of an adults scrawling handwriting, but maybe of a boy, thirteen or so, who thought he’d try to get an English paper started but realized it was futile. Perhaps subconsciously understanding that no teenager knows the dreaded combination of being old and lonely.

Ah, but this writer does know that dreaded combination. I’m not old (unless you live in L.A.) At thirty four when I tell people I’m going through a divorce the first thing they say is “you’re young, you’ll find someone in no time”. Okay, that’s not the first thing. The first thing is “I’m so sorry” (in which I reply “I’m not!), or “you’re so young, how could this be happening already?” I have pondered that very question as I’m polishing off a pint of Haagen Daz Dulce de Leche ice cream.

As a woman in her thirties, I expected to be with my spouse forever. Until he died (and I could collect his insurance money!) Till death do us part. I never imagined being “old and lonely.” Heck, I never imagined being young and lonely. But this is where I am. Still young enough for a second (or third, or fourth husband!) but with a creepy dark cloud in the back of my mind that my divorce could render me getting old…and very much alone.

Have you ever had this same dark cloud? Let me be the first to tell you to get over it! Stop moping around. Put the ice cream down (okay, okay, one more bite) take a shower, go outside and see what the world has to offer. You’re not old. Even if you’re 99 years old, age is a state of mind. You are young, vibrant, and full of life. And the only way to not be lonely is to stop being alone. Call up a friend for tea. Go to a crowded movie and eat popcorn. Take a walk through your neighborhood shopping area. My point is, if you sit at home in a darkened room feeling sorry for yourself because you and the one you used to love are no longer, you will never find happiness. You will become divorced, old, and lonely. Now who wants that? Resolve to become divorced, young, and HAPPY whether you are alone or not. Some people believe divorce is a death sentence to youth and companionship. Start thinking of being divorced as the doors of freedom being flung wide open to start enjoying life! Start living!

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Kim Hess Your Divorce Guru

Divorced: The Old and the Lonely?