Should You Date A Single Parent?

As if it weren't hard enough to find a good man or woman in this day and age, the odds are more so, against those who bear children who've also ended a serious relationship/marriage and looking to "get out there" once again. To some, being with a single parent has no affect to making them a permanent partner a deciding factor, and then there are MANY others who run the other way once the words "I have a child/children" are spoken. As a mother of one, you can imagine how often I've come across guys who've done exactly so, but I also acknowledge those who've found it somewhat endearing and completely non threatening.

A lot of people are quite observant now to recognizing that the majority on the single scene are also parents. This shouldn't be looked at so negatively, the game is just a bit more challenging and matured. You're not just taking on a new love, but you're also, if the relationship developes greater over time, taking on a family. That in itself can either prove to be more than you can handle, or be one of the most rewarding changes to your life. In order to understand where I'm coming from, I've put together pros and cons for anyone in the search for love to consider when crossing paths of a single father or mother so that you can be truly prepared for the good and the bad that comes with the package.

For starters, I'm going to begin with the downside of becoming involved with a single parent. The most common complaint is the parents' lack of free time/alone time.

I know, I know, it makes things easier when it can be just the two of you, but when there's a child or children in the picture, the balance is off. It's school, doctors appointments, stories at bedtime (meaning curfew for the parent), last minute cancellations due to an unavailable babysitter, etc. What amazes me is that everyone has 'an idea' of what it is going to be like before actually taking the time to get this concept and then act all surprised when something comes up. It's harder to understand when YOU come in without ever being in a 'dating the single parent' scenario, so I'm putting it out there as the number one issue to remember and take into consideration. A single parents' time is always going to be somewhat limited (depending on the childs' age). They were a mom or dad before you came into the picture, they're just making room for you.

Secondly comes the finance department.

Raising a family will take up a lot of time, as well as a great deal of money. Some fear that they will end up supporting the single parent they're dating, but that just isn't the case. Sure, there are some out there just looking for a free ride because the cost to rear a child can be overwhelming. It needs to be acknowledged though that there are many others doing just fine taking care of themselves without any help from a partner (I mean hello, they are single, and money doesn't grow on trees). A parent is going to be more concerned with the welfare of their family before themselves, that's just what it means to be a good parent. They will save pennies every way possible and treat themselves when they believe it won't compromise the budget. So that being said, don't expect the single parent to be YOUR meal ticket just because they're able to care for their offspring on top of themselves, and don't assume every parent is waiting on you to provide the benjamins. It's a give and take relationship, a compromise, and only when things become very serious in the terms of possibly spending a lifetime together should money become an issue.

Not just anybody will be allowed access to a single parents heart.

Chances are, they've learned from their mistakes and are not looking for a repeat performance. Their standards for finding a mate have heightened, not just anyone will do now, especially because there's children to think about. A candidate with great potential will be mature, caring, giving, selfless, and adore kids! Don't look at this as snobbish or a strange form of vanity if you're ever turned away by one, every person has different qualities they're looking for, us single moms and dads just have to be pickier in our company

Lastly for the cons, is the inevitable Ex.

Maybe when they parted ways, they're out of the picture for good, but most of the time, they're still around. By this, I mean that they had a child and/or children together, and they have every intention on being a part of their lives. You may get close to the kids, and feel bonded to them like a parent, but you need to understand your place in the equation. Until you (if it so happens) marry them, you are more of a spectator and bear no real grounds since you are not a biological tie to the family. It is dire to recognize as well, if you do see wedding bells in the future, you become a step parent, and the rules are much more different (but that is for another issue).

Now, onto the good outlook...

*Single parents have more patience than those without little ones in tow. Kids will just do that to you; you learn to take on a lot more, and can be calmer through stressful situations.

*They're quite self sufficient. They become thrifty when it comes to how to manage money for a household, and have a knack for spotting good deals.

*You get to see how they parent for future reference. While you may not get to experience the beginning of parenthood with them, you get the opportunity to see how they are with their own to know if you'd match well. Everyone has their own idea to discipline, religious values, schooling, and more when it comes to their children. It can be an upside to know if you share the same outlook by actual observation rather than just their word.

*They're more aware of what they want in life and in a partner. They've been through the grind, learned from the choices they've made, and now have a better understanding of what to look for to make it last.

*Responsibility is high priority. A single parent can be pretty much guaranteed as dependable and mature with their actions. With a toddler under their wing to raise, they don't have time to play games anymore or date someone better suited as a child themselves. They know how to have fun, it's just in a more reserved formality.

The dating scene is a road traveled lighlty for some, and only about getting to know as many people possible for settling down way later in life. Others are more fickle and date spiratically with only serious intentions. From my personal view, don't discredit and write a single parent off before getting to know who they are unless you are absolutely against joining a family already in existence. Even my parents split apart from each other when I was a teen, but they found new spouses who welcomed the life they had with open arms. Sharing time with a single parent has its' ups and downs, what relationship doesn't? Just keep in mind that the stakes are higher and more challenging. Children need role models they can look up to and learn good example by. If you're not ready to be a grown up, we're not the type for you!

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The Mad Cow

Should You Date A Single Parent?