Should You Be In An Open Relationship?

It's hard not to notice sex taking over all aspects of common day rituals. Companies are drawing in even the stingiest critics with outrageous advertisements based upon "dirty" behavior. Most, if not all people are familiar with what I'm referring to (deodorant/spray tv spots such as Axe "hint" at the objectivity that if you buy their product, you'll be yummy enough to be bombarded by half naked women dying to procreate). I'm nearing the cringing point of my daughter happening to stumble onto a seemingly "innocent" television commercial due to some ad executives swimming pretty damn close to the edge of girls gone wild over something as mediocre as tyson chicken (it's a stretch, but I'm sure you get my drift). It's no wonder many women such as myself (and a few hopelessly confused men) are questioning their attractiveness in the eyes of their significant other. Who has the drive to compete with hollywood made perfection?

Truth of the matter is, what we're actually seeing is airbrushed beauty and over dramatized acting along the means of "real emotion" that is widely practiced by **** stars. Men set it in their minds that the right woman is tall, thin, and a walking sex bomb, and sadly, us women fall into the grind day after day to work at being what these men expect or, are wanting us to be (how exhausting)! This behavior morphs into our dating lives and spurs the idea that the grass can always be greener, and there's always someone more appealing than who you're with at the time. This idea allows making it ideal to cheat, have 3-ways, and the oh so taboo of open relationships. Personally, I've admitted in a previous article that I cheated once, but I've never and will never be talked into a menage a trois or open relationship, no matter how smooth the guy thinks he is or convincing that it could be "beneficial" to both of us. I don't see the enticement of sharing someone that I love with another, I'm selfish that way! There are plenty of them out there mangling bedsheets, I'm aware of that, it just seems to be more of a contact sport for singles (doesn't it make more sense)?

Seeing as I have no prior experience on this subject, composing my thoughts on open relationships/marriage deemed to be a bit of a daunting task for me, but I managed to muster a few points that shed good light as well as the bad for anyone contemplating this lifestyle for themselves. Kicking off the topic are some of the positive outcomes an open relationship can bring to the table for a curious couple:

*Lots of Sex

Libidos come and go at different times for men and women. With the option of bringing in someone new, it can ease the pressure from a partner who at times may not be feeling in the zone for sexual play (commonly expressed as 'just not in the mood'). Satisfaction through plenty of variety is just simpler to reach for those with high sex drives, and having a lover indulging in the activity can make it all the better.

*It can bring a couple closer together

I know, as soon as you read it, you were wondering how that can be right? To break it down for you, a healthy and happy couple will endure many challenges and bumpy roads together such as a loss of a loved one, pregnancy, etc. These bondings in disguise allow emotions to surface that some didn't even know existed and can make the love untouchable and intoxicating. Exploring sexual desires easily falls into this rank. When the proper comfort level is achieved and one can ask their significant other their thoughts of open relations without fear of judgement and expectant rejection, it is a closeness that for many, is hard to find. How more intimate can one be when they willingly take into consideration their partners sexual needs of getting down and dirty with someone other than themselves and make it a reality? This lifestyle can be major foreplay and a continuous 'emotional orgasm' for the certain minded people.

*Eliminates the concern of Infidelity

Monogamy has the magic to turn the sanest person paranoid and suspicious of their lover if the sex starts to dwindle and fade away. For swingers, the 'cheating' is going on right in front of them (or next to them), whatever the case may be. The liberation and survival of 60's free love to this day brings adultery out in the open and in a form that sex can still be sacred and cherished by a couple even when others are brought into the equation by them openly swapping/sharing mates.

*Introduces New Endeavours

Ever reach that point where you feel that you've 'done it all' when it comes to bedroom dancing with your other half? You've made the trips to the local adult store for kinky toys and dress up costumes, bought the books on kama sutra and/or tantric practice, exhausted the spice of semi public fornication, and are now finding yourselves in some kind of slump. When a couple occasionally or continuously welcome new partners into their sexual relationship, they're inviting in the chance to learn something new that they may have yet to experience together. For some, three heads in the sack really can work better than two.

Of course, with every positive, there's a negative, and open relationships especially aren't excluded....

*Jealousy and Trust Issues

Like a broken record, we know that the green monster resides within all of us and comes out at one time or another. Some of us can manage to allow it to get to the best of us easier than others, and if so, the word 'open' is nowhere close to being in the same sentence that bears the word 'relationship'. You've heard about that guy or girl who's partner suggested having a 3-way to 'mix things' up a little right? Even though the idea didn't catch their interest as much, they went along with it anyway for the sake of what their partner wanted out of fear of them going behind their back and cheating? Then after it was done they started questioning what the other person has that they don't, did their partner like the stranger more, are they going to want it more now that they agreed once, and blah blah bah? Yeah, jealousy is a mean trait to break free from. It's one thing to be confident with the intimacy between yourself and your partner, and it's a whole other game when somebody is asking for a little more than you ever expected.

*Trade In

*How is it that swingers can be confident that their mate won't leave them for another? Sexual freedom can be a hefty price to pay if someone allows their emotions to get the best of them when 'banging' a new body that isn't their partner. Sex is a very personal act, and I like to think that most take it as seriously as I do and participate when it's with someone that's as devoted to you as you are them. What happens when you go ahead and let your man invite another girl to join you for a good romping session and they give off a more connected vibe together than when you're with him? What happens when she happily performs for him the one thing that you've never agreed to and he then goes on and on about how she has one more up on you because of it? What happens when your girlfriend leaves you for the guy you though was just an occasional boy toy for your relationship because it just so happened that they fell in love? What then? Is one night (or a good few) of mindblowing sex worth losing history over? People think that they can easily separate their physical wants from emotional connection, but when you share your body with another human being, like it or not, your mind is right along with it.

*Hard Maintenance

*One of the many benefits of monogamy is the comfort of our appearance to our partner when we've been involved for some time. Women can shave their legs less and go without makeup, men flatulate without shame and can go days without a shower and not feel like a burden because the love they have is unconditional. It doesn't mean they will let themselves go, it's just nicer when we can be our true selves with the important people in our lives every now and then. Couples with open relations worry much more about their appearance than anyone. Not only do they revamp themselves ritually for their mate, but in order to redundantly bring in 'fresh meat', they have to keep a high sex appeal at all times. It can be tiresome always trying to be eye candy. It's an endless popularity contest without a finish line.

*Loss of Respect

*If your partner were to turn to you tomorrow and say "what do you think about bringing someone else into bed", how would you take it? What would you feel? Normally, an instant of shock and surprise, followed by confusion as to why they feel the need for a new partner right? Many like myself, instantly assume the worst and can start seeing the person they thought they knew in another light. They should know you better than to think you'd go along with such an atrocity! You're betrayed by feeling so satisfied by them alone, only to now find out that they'd probably prefer someone else next to having you. These are the kinds of talks people should be having with one another before things get serious and lead to committed relationships.

I'm never going to be open to the idea of and 'open relationship'. To me, it's an oxymoron of itself; true bonding and intimacy in a relationship can't be achieved with extra bodies waiting in the wings. If you're single, protect yourself wisely and have at all the booty you can tackle. There's no fault at running amuck when you're not tied down and involved with one person in particular. If you are in a good relationship, and somebody brings up the urge of boogie nights style romps, really consider both sides of the spectrum before getting in too deep. Don't mess with what may already be a pretty good thing.

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The Mad Cow

Should You Be In An Open Relationship?